Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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