My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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