i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
