Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
