meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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