I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
