I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
