Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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