i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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