Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
