Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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