i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
