dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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