Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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