i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
