Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
