I hate your face
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
