pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need water and some morals
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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