Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
