GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
