Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
