I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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