How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
