I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
