My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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