Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
