I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
