the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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