i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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