I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
