as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
