do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You are the jesus of drinking
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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