I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
