There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
