My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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