best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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