Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
