She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
