Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
