I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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