In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
