I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
