So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
please come you make the beer taste better
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Enjoy the penises
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
