May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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