did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
