Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
