it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
