He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
