I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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