when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
