I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
