Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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