I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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