Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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