Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
