If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
